Its been a crazy couple of weeks up here in RI. Its almost summer, only 26 days left of school. You would think that with the weather getting warmer, days longer and the prospect of the beach right around the corner everything would be fantastic and wonderful? WRONG! Okay, so life isn't awful, but it sure has been stressful. 6 months into the job its beginning to take a toll on me. I am exhausted, anxious and those three day weekends just aren't doing it for me anymore. Now I really see why this is only a year position. Not that I don't love my job (most of the time), because I do. I love the kids and the girls in the office, but its tough. Its tough working until at least 7 every night, even tougher having kids you care about taken from their home and put in placement. Sometimes I just want to curl up into a ball and hide from everything. But its like Patrick said during our "happy one year anniversary flip out" I have to appreciate the little things. I have to appreciate the fact that Emily's coming to town today. Or that I have great friends in RI. And of course that Patrick and I have been together for a whole year. I also need to remember how much I love my kids and even though its a hard job, its important.

That was enough of a pep talk, I know I feel better. Although I can't promise that I won't loose it at weigh in today if I gain weight. Its just been one of those weeks.

I have an obsession with blogs, I'll admit it. I love them. I love writing one (obviously) and reading them. Its kinda what I do at work. I peruse blogs when I'm sitting at my desk avoiding work. I have all different ones I read, celebrity gossip, weight watchers, cooking, feminist ones, friends' blogs and of course Sundry who we have been following closely since...oh maybe sophomore year of high school. Every day I have at least 6 that I must, no questions asked, check. Most of them I check more than once a day. I love looking for new blogs to read, usually about anything. While I should be reading the Times, or even CNN.com, I read the superficial and jezebel. But, there are a few good ones that I have tuned into as of late. My new favorite is elastic waist, which is a commentary on body image and weight in pop culture. In my never ending exploration of what I want to be when I grow up I sit at my computer reading blog after blog thinking...hmmm, weight..blogs...English/WS thesis? Junior year of college I took a course on third wave feminism that centered around the narrative. Aren't blogs the new narrative? Blogs say so much about our technology crazed society, both good and bad. I say all this and then think how could i ever compete with the girls at Feministing or Feministe (my two favorite feminist blogs). They have their WS MA from NYU, they went to great schools, they run non profits! I can't even get up the nerve to take my GRE and apply to grad school, if thats even what I want to do. I feel like at 23 I should really know what I want to be when I grow up instead of swinging back and forth between a couple of ideas.

I think my main reason for this new and exciting existential crisis is the fact that I'm starting to get a little burned out at the job. When I started I thought it was absurd that my position was only a year long. Now? Oh boy has my opinion changed. Don't get me wrong, I still love my job and my kids but holy crap do I need a break. Theres so much bad stuff going on it gets to be overwhelming. I'm constantly thinking about my clients and whats going on with their lives. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any room for my own life. It is especially challenging because of my crazy schedule. I'm rarely home before 7 any night (except every other friday and monday!) which leaves no down time. I walk in the door and start dinner. Its not even that I'm working 60+ hours a week, its just weird times. I don't have to go into work until 12 every other day, which is nice, but that gives me most of the morning to sit around the house watching tv. I'd rather (in an ideal world) go in at 9 and be home at a normal hour to do stuff, join a club or something.